Everyone's A Suspect
by obsessivewriterlikescookies
Summary: "They should have taken pity on the fact that she had been horribly, horribly drunk and couldn't even remember what the songs she danced to were, let alone who she had sex with."  Pezberry Oneshot


**:) Hope you like it! I don't know when exactly it's set, but there's no Finchel, there is Bartie, not really Brittana (Cause of Bartie), Lauren isn't there, Sam is (Again I have no idea when this is set) and it's after Blame It On The Alcohol. Oh and BTW, the coffee house near Central Park isn't the one from friends. I only just realised that people might think it's Central Perk.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee.**

Rachel Berry was not scared easily. In fact, there were only a few choice things in the world that truly scared her (One of them being Santana Lopez). But everything about the situation she was in at that moment, down to the flickering light bulb, scared the love of Broadway out of her.

There were a few main aspects that really had her on her perfectly manicured toes though:

She had no idea where she was.

The one person she assumed could tell her had just left (She knew because the second she woke up the door slammed and someone walked, no, strike that, _ran _away from the room).

She was naked.

That last one might have been the scariest, because Rachel Barbra Berry NEVER slept naked. It was actually comfortable to sleep with no clothes on but she never did it, because that was one of those despicable things that she was too innocent for.

Rachel sat up cautiously, and looked around the room. It was unfamiliar, and very dark. She searched for something, _anything _that might help her realise where she was. It was hard, of course, searching for clues in the dark, but her highly trained eyes enjoyed the challenge – as much as she was freaked out, she was glad to have a familiar feeling fill her, even if it was one of those feelings she was trying to discourage (The feeling of having to win at everything).

The diva got up from the bed, taking small steps that led her into further darkness, until she got to a wall. She fumbled for a light switch, arms stretching to reach higher and wider places. Finally she felt a bump jutting out from the wall and pressed down on it.

There was a click and suddenly light filled the room. Rachel blinked to adjust to it and then went about looking for her clothes. The room she was in was a complete mess.

Clothes scattered everywhere, plates and cups covering every table, a Playstation and TV pushed into the corner of the room. The room looked like a bomb had hit it.

Finally Rachel found her cotton underwear and matching bra, and slid them on. At least if someone came in she was adequately covered. She began searching the room again, and at _last _found the dark red dress she remembered wearing the night before.

It wasn't the kind of dress you wore in the morning as you made your vegan breakfast and tried to remember why you ended up naked in a bed with some stranger. It was the kind of dress you wore to a raging party, where you danced and drank (Even though you promised Mr Shue you wouldn't) and stayed up till the sun rose.

Rachel groaned as she saw the stain on the chest of the dress.

And suddenly, like being hit in the head with shoe (It happened when you were dating a clumsy quarter back, which incidentally Rachel was not anymore), a piece of memory came back to her.

_It's dark. You can't see much. But you can feel the heat of bodies around you, so you keep dancing to whatever song is on. You can't help but count the seconds in between the beats, and keep it in time with your jumping, no matter how drunk you are._

_You wonder just how many drinks you might have had. Puck promised it was just glee, so nothing of yours could have been roofied, unless someone _really _hated you. You can't think of anyone, so you just drink the next cup that's pushed into your hand._

_It's even less bitter than the last, and you find yourself knowing that the more you have, the better it gets, so you can't stop now. It's not even a minute past midnight and you're already thinking of dropping, but the crazy (needy-girl drunk girl as Finn called it) person inside you only comes out once a month and when it does, there's no stopping it._

_Suddenly you feel a hand pulling you out of the masses of people._

"_G-get off me, wan-wanna dance!" You slur, cackling crazily._

"_Rachel, I need to talk to you." You can't tell if the voice is a boy's or a girl's but it's freaking you out that you can't even see their face. Maybe you should stop drinking._

"_No talk. More dance. Where's a drink?" You spin around, looking for another cup of whatever Puck got for the party. You see one on a table and stagger over to it, grabbing the cup in your hand, ready to scull it when a hand tries to stop you._

"_I think you've had too much." The person tries to take the cup out of your hand._

"_You haven't had enough!" You shout, but it can barely be heard over the still pumping music. Shoving your arm in their gut, meaning to push them away, you knock over your drink and it spills all over the chest of your dress._

The memory slips away at that point.

_So, _Rachel thinks. _I slept with a guy from glee club. Great. Now I just have to figure out which one._

She couldn't find her shoes, so she just opened the door to the hallway and began gingerly taking steps towards the stairs.

The house was familiar... the bedroom she woke up in wasn't but there was something about the hallway. Rachel looked at the walls and in one of the photos saw a 5-year-old version of herself next to 5-year-old Noah. Noah? She was at Noah's?

SHE SLEPT WITH NOAH.

_Oh dear god I've lost my virginity to a sex shark! _Panic swept through her. She took a deep breath and walked a little faster towards the stairs. She walked down them, staring at her feet, and when she got to the bottom, she regretted going down there.

Every member of the glee club was passed out (Perhaps sleeping) in a different spot in the lounge. Finn was on the couch, head lolling to the side, with Quinn cuddled up to him. Obviously something had happened there but Rachel was just too freaked out to care.

Artie had been moved from his wheelchair to a beanbag. Mercedes and Kurt (Who had been drowning in his sorrows because Blaine couldn't go to the party) were lying on a huge table in the middle of the room.

She finally found who she was looking for.

Puck and Santana were curled up together in an awkward position by the stairs, right next to Rachel's feet. The diva let out a quiet 'humph' before shaking Puck awake.

"Jeez, Berry, what's your problem? Don't you know guys need sleep?" Puck rubbed his eyes as he propped himself up on one elbow, causing Santana to slide off his chest and wake up too.

"What the fuck was that for Puck?" The Latina glared. He shrugged.

"Noah, why did I wake up in your bed?" Rachel said in a hushed whisper.

"I don't know! You must have crashed there. Santana weren't you - OW!" Puck was cut off as Santana kneed him in the stoumach.

"I don't 'crash' naked, Noah!"

"Naked? That's just... please tell me it was with me!" Puck smirked at the panicked girl.

"You don't know?" She asked, puzzled.

"Nope. Can't remember anything past eleven last night."

"Well someone snuck out of the room just as I woke up."

"Rachel, it's great that you've lost your v-card, really! I hope the guy is proud of himself. But I needs my beauty sleep." Santana flopped back down onto Puck's chest.

There was something strange about what Santana said, but Rachel couldn't work it out. Besides, at that moment she needed to get everyone awake in a non-obnoxious way (If she just yelled at them they wouldn't be thrilled about answering her many questions).

Fifteen minutes, a nose plug, a carton of eggs, 20 strips of bacon and a loaf of bread later, she had a non-vegan breakfast ready for her fellow gleeks (Hence the nose plug). Now all she had to do was wait for them to smell it and wake.

Mike and Tina emerged from the bathroom when they heard the bacon sizzling on the pan, and were the first to experience Rachel's incredible cooking, and the first to be questioned.

"Do you guys remember what you did last night?" She asked them, trying to act casual.

"A little bit. But then Puck brought out these extra strong drinks and it went crazy. I don't think anyone's gonna remember anything. And even if they did, I don't think they'll own up to it. I mean, even before my memory goes hazy, it was pretty hardcore. People might not want to own up to it, anyway." Mike explained, shovelling bacon into his mouth.

Rachel paused for a moment. The person might not want to own up to it... so it could be any of the guys. Or girls! She hadn't thought of that. The brunette looked up at Tina and gave her a piercing look.

"Um, Rachel? You alright?" Tina asked slowly.

She did sing that Katy Perry song... Tina was definitely a suspect. Rachel narrowed her eyes.

"Yep. A bit _sore_." She answered, staring Tina down.

"Okay..." The Asian girl looked very confused.

"So where did you end up sleeping?" Rachel decided the best way to figure it out was to go through everyone's alibi's and work out which ones didn't check out. As much as she was aggravated at the thought of someone withholding such important information from her, she did love mysteries. She thought of herself as a smarter, more talented Nancy Drew sometimes.

"Yeah, Tina and me just wound up in there," Rachel resisted the urge to correct Mike. "I don't know how though, I can't remember a thing. We were in the bathtub, so I have my theories." He waggled an eyebrow at his girlfriend, who giggled (A very un-Tina like action, Rachel observed).

_Everyone's a suspect..._

As more and more people woke, she would calmly load up their plates with delicious breakfast, and ask them what they remembered, after politely asking how they slept, whether they needed ice, all the proper things that would make her questions seem less obvious.

Sam woke up in a closet covered in cat hair (Brittany told everyone that Lord Tubbington must have followed her to the party and then took his jet pack home before they all woke up), Brittany was on the roof (No-one asked how she got up or down from there) and everyone else's stories checked out with what Rachel had seen that morning.

Puck and Santana obviously knew what was going on and had to muffle their snickers everytime Rachel looked at someone to identify if they had ruffled clothes.

The diva still had thoughts about Noah, but wondered why he'd lie. Surely if it'd been him, he would be bragging about it. Then again, she saw the way he and Santana were clinging to each other, and Santana's jacket had been discarded somewhere, so Rachel had to wonder whether she wasn't the only one who had engaged in sexual activities (_Sex_, she mentally corrected herself. _Just sex.)_

After the glee club pestered her, Rachel managed to down one piece of toast, before making them a special 'hang-over tea' that actually cured their headaches. Needless to say, it worked better than the 'hair of the dog that done bit your ass'.

When everyone was occupied, Rachel went looking for her bag and soon found it on the staircase. In her bag, she found a notebook and pen (She also kept pepper spray, rope and duct tape in whatever bag she took to parties) and began to write down names.

Noah

Santana

Sam

Brittany(Rachel just didn't believe the roof story)

Artie (The person ran out of the room that morning, they didn't roll)

Mercedes?

Kurt (No matter how drunk, Kurt would never go for Rachel)

Mike

Tina

Finn(Rachel only put this because she specifically remembered Finn being the 'needy girl drunk' the night before)

Quinn

As she finished her hangover tea, Rachel looked over the list one more time.

"Rachel, this tea is amazing. I might start living with you just so I can have it every time I have a morning after." Tina said after she finished her tea.

Rachel narrowed her eyes again, and underlined Tina's name.

She left without her shoes.

Rachel spent the rest of the day going over each glee member's alibi, hoping to find something, _anything _that could lead her down the right track.

She was in the middle of looking over Puck's story for the 3rd time when her phone vibrated with a message from Brittany.

_Rachey Rae? I've forgotten what your face looks like. Can I see it today please?_

'Rachey Rae' laughed at her new nickname.

_Sure Brit Brit. I like my new name. Let's meet at that coffee house near Central Park in ten._

Rachel arrived at the coffee house, and searched it for Brittany. The blonde girl saw Rachel and began waving frantically. The diva smiled and sat at the table with Brittany.

"Have you ordered yet?"

"No, I can't figure out how to read this." Brittany frowned at the upside down menu she was holding. Rachel turned it the right way and the blonde's frown disappeared.

When they both had their drink orders, Rachel went up to the counter.

"Cinnamon soy latte and a hot chocolate please."

While the short brunette waited for the drinks, she felt her phone buzz again.

_Rachel, are you with Brittany? – S_

It took Rachel a minute to realise that 'S' was Santana. She texted back a quick yes as she got her change and went back to sit with Brittany.

"So Brit, how did you forget what my face looked like?"

"Well, I was talking to San and she was talking about you and I just kind of forgot what you looked like and I got really sad and then she said 'Well why don't you meet her today?' and I thought it was a good idea." Brittany explained, acting it out with her hands.

The two girls carried on talking, and then sipping _and _talking at the same time when their drinks came, for about an hour and a half, before Rachel had to leave.

"See you later Rachey Rae!" Brittany cheerfully called out as she watched the brunette walk down the street.

Rachel had almost forgotten that it was the Summer holidays and the thought of it sent relief running through her. Normally she would get a job and save up some more money for collage but her dad had gotten a really well paid job (Even better than his last) the week before and she no longer felt the pressure of paying her college tuition.

Of course, next holidays she would throw herself back into working, because it always helped to have some extra money lying around, but she needed to relax, she had decided. She was so organised all the time that she couldn't let loose.

When Rachel got home, she saw her shoes on the front door step. They were scuffed and pretty much ruined. Who the hell would drop off her shoes? Maybe Puck found them. No, he would text her, and ask for something in return. Probably cookies. But there was no way she could figure it out. She dropped it.

The diva decided hanging out with Brittany was a major stress reliever, and if she let herself unwind a bit, then maybe she could figure out who that person at the party was.

Rachel sent a text to all the gleeks (And Blaine):

_Beach tomorrow?_

She already felt more relaxed.

All the glee clubbers agreed to the beach idea (Except Artie, who had a Def Jam club meeting), and as always, it was up to Rachel to be organised. She packed a picnic basket with food, and brought extra sunscreen (Kurt), tanning lotion (Santana) and a few big sunhats (Quinn).

All the gleeks were picked up in Mike's van.

When they got to the beach, it was around 12pm, and Rachel made sure everyone put sunscreen on ("Midday is when the sun is at its highest and sunburn won't do you any favours. Unless you count cancer as a favour.") before they either rolled out their towels and began sunbaking (Santana, Quinn, Mercedes), building sand castles (Brittany and Finn) or threw themselves into the sea (Everyone else).

While Mike and Santana were boss wave catchers, it was clear Rachel was the best. No-one expected her to like the sea (Which she actually didn't) but it proved that she really could do anything.

She took the time in between waves to find out if anyone had remembered anything. The only one who proved helpful was Puck, in the end:

"I saw someone wearing black drag you upstairs, but I can't remember when."

That crossed off Santana and Puck (Although he might have made up the wearing black thing so he would be crossed off the list – then again, she doubted he knew about the list since she was keeping it hidden), which weren't really helpful, because she thought that those two had hooked up anyway.

At one point, somewhere between watching Santana do some kind of surf trick and actually doing one herself, Rachel was sure that Puck had made it up. Then suddenly, another piece of memory came flying back and nearly knocked her off her board.

_The person is trying to talk to you now, but you ignore them._

_They're trying to get you to stop drinking, to talk to them, because they might feel the same way as you do for them but then again they might know that you feel like that and they'll be freaked out by you and... and..._

_It feels like your mind is loosing breath, so you ignore the person's stares and attempts to get to you. You run away from them, getting into the middle of the dancing crowd of people._

_It's dark. You can't see much._

Rachel started to get it. _This memory came first, or maybe second, and then the other memory came after it._

It seemed to Rachel like a bad mystery movie but it was still kind of interesting. She spent the rest of the day replaying the memory in your head. You swear that the person has a glimpse of black on them.

She obviously had feelings for whomever she slept with. That was better than just crazy, drunk sex. Of course, it would be a million times better if she knew who she had slept with.

In fact, Rachel hardly thought it fair that someone on that beach had slept with her and refused to tell her about it. They should have taken pity on the fact that she had been horribly, horribly drunk and couldn't even remember what the songs she danced to were, let alone who she had sex with.

When she got home, with her 'sun-kissed skin' and her hair smelling like the sea, she looked over her list again.

The person can't have been drunk, was wearing black and didn't want to tell Rachel about it.

She was totally stumped.

For Rachel, the entire day after the beach was spent lazing around her house (Her dads were away for the first two weeks of the holidays), trying to make sense of her thoughts.

_Rachey Rae, I love Brittany's nickname for you. You're coming shopping with me. xxx K_

Rachel sighed. There was no stopping Kurt.

He came around to her house twenty minutes after sending that text, without even checking to see if she agreed. When she answered the door, he immediately dragged her outside, locked the door with the spare key she had (mistakenly) given him and pushed her into his car.

"Today is going to be Voguetastic." He grinned evilly at her as he started up the engine.

Rachel smacked her head against her hand and wondered if this would be counted as a 911 emergency.

When they were both weighed down with as many shopping bags as the mall stocked, they sat down in an in-mall café and had a coffee.

"Rachel, if you come back to school next year wearing argyle sweaters and plaid skirts, I will never speak to you again. This wardrobe is a million times better than anyone's."

"Even Madonna's?" Rachel challenged with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

Kurt bit his lip, torn. "... Yes."

Rachel gasped in mock horror.

"Well, that's just how good I am." Kurt grinned with a flick of his hair.

The brunette girl laughed.

"How drunk did you get at the party?" Rachel innocently asked. Kurt wasn't a suspect at all, but he could still give her vital information.

"Very. I don't think anyone remembers a thing."

"Oh, you have no idea."

After Kurt dropped her home and she put her new clothes in her wardrobe, Rachel sat on the couch, exhausted. Shopping with Kurt took a lot out of you.

She went into the kitchen to make herself some tea (Not herbal, the real stuff this time), and saw her bag from the party still sitting on the kitchen bench. She decided to rifle through it one last time.

As expected, a spare key, her notebook (Which she purposely kept in there) and her broken sunglasses were the only things left in there after she had taken out her iPhone and her wallet (And of course, the rope, the duct tape and the pepper spray).

She took out her sunglasses and inspected the damage. It had been snapped in half by who knows what. She taps the two pieces together and one of them snaps again.

And then another memory comes hurdling back.

_Shoving your arm in their gut, meaning to push them away, you knock over your drink and it spills all over the chest of your dress._

"_Look what I did!" You laugh giddily. The person looks at you sadly._

"_Come on." They start to drag you up a flight of stairs, and you drop your bag on the way up. You hear a snap and wonder if that was your phone or you sunglasses._

"_Where are we going?"_

"_We need to talk." They tell you grimly._

"_You haven't had much to drink, have you? You should, it's good, it's even better than pink, it's like... it's like purple! Purple is a good colour. It looks good on you, you know."_

"_Yeah, whatever."_

_You start to cry. "You're so mean!" You rock back and forth in a ball and the person puts their arms around you, but then flinches back, like they didn't realise what they were doing._

"_I liked that." You mumble._

Rachel sighs, "Oh Barbra..."

That night Rachel got almost no sleep at all. She kept thinking about the memory, trying to see the person's face again. She was desperately looking for some sign as to who it was, other than the fact that they were wearing purple.

That narrowed it down to Sam, Quinn, Brittany and Tina.

She knew that Mike wasn't doing it for his girlfriend.

She _knew it._

_Maybe it wasn't beautiful enough. Maybe..._

Beautiful? Where did that come from?

"_I liked that." You mumble. "Can you please do it again?"_

_The arms slowly come back and hold you. You turn around to the person and look into their eyes for a moment._

"_You're amazing." They tell you._

"_No I'm not, I'm Rachel Berry." I say, still staring._

_Suddenly their lips capture yours. You're surprised for a moment, until you start kissing back, and your lips move together so beautifully that you almost don't want it to end. But there are other things that you can do._

_Other, even more beautiful things._

Rachel stood up from the couch and screamed.

_Take that, neighbours._

She had almost every piece of her memory. She was just missing the first few minutes. Rachel sat down and looked at the scuffed shoes.

What happened?

What was she forgetting?

Wait.

_Wait._

Someone wearing purple.

Someone wearing black as well.

Someone who wasn't drunk.

Someone who wouldn't tell her.

Someone she had feelings for.

_Puck and Santana were curled up together in an awkward position by the stairs, right next to Rachel's feet._

"_I saw someone wearing black drag you upstairs, but I can't remember when."_

"_Well, I was talking to San and she was talking about you and I just kind of forgot what you looked like and I got really sad and then she said 'Well why don't you meet her today?' and I thought it was a good idea."_

"_I don't know! You must have crashed there. Santana weren't you - OW!"_

_Rachel, are you with Brittany? – S_

_Santana's jacket had been discarded somewhere, so Rachel had to wonder whether she wasn't the only one who had engaged in sexual activities._

That night, Rachel went over to Santana's.

The Latina answered the door.

"Hey Rachel. What's up?"

"I know who I slept with."

If Rachel hadn't been watching carefully, she wouldn't have noticed a flare of panic rise up in Santana's eyes.

"Really?"  
>"Yep. It was hard to figure out. It would've been so much easier if they had told me."<p>

Santana didn't reply.

"I was looking at my shoes, trying to figure it out. Then I realised what Brittany had been talking about. My shoes got scuffed when I was dragged up the stairs. I knew that because they had floor polish on them, the exact same type that my dads use. They use the same household cleaning things as Noah's mum. Our families are close. And you're close with Puck. You knew you could use his bedroom to talk to me, but then we ended up doing more than that. So when you woke up, you couldn't bear to face me."

More silence.

"You ran downstairs just as I woke up and Puck was the closest person to the stairs. You made it look like you had been there the whole time. He didn't know what your plan was and he was confused, but you stopped him before he gave you away. Then, you made sure to pointedly say guy when you talked to me about it so it would lead me on the wrong track. When you got home you realised you had left your _purple _jacket there. You weren't wearing black but what Noah saw was your hair, and he thought it was a piece of clothing. I didn't realise it was you because I didn't see you with your jacket on the next morning, and when I did the night before, I couldn't remember it. Then you got Brittany to have coffee with me, because you were scared I might go to Puck's to get my shoes and see you there, where you were retrieving your jacket. Then you dropped off my shoes at my house before I got back. That's why you sent the text asking if I was with Brittany, to make sure I wasn't home. And in the text... you called me Rachel. You've never called me that in my life."

Rachel finished, frowning.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, slightly angered.

"You were drunk! I thought you would think I took advantage of you. I didn't think you felt the same way."

"Are you kidding? The reason I was drinking was because I thought _you _didn't feel the same way..."

_Puck is dancing with someone, someone who you want, and it's not fair because that person is Santana and you want her to talk to you and you don't know why, because she tortured you._

_And it's the drinks talking, isn't it? The drinks you haven't had. It has to be, because you could never feel this way for someone like her. She's nothing to you, she doesn't mean anything, but still she does._

_You're not making sense. You're drunk. You're out of it. But no. You haven't had any drinks yet._

_Okay. You need one._

"_Mike, I need something strong." You tell the abtastic boy behind you._

"_Okaaay." Mike slurs – he's already drunk, the lucky bastard.. He spills the drink a little as he pours it for you. "Puck just brought this out. It's fantastically awesomenial."_

_You smile as he hands it to you, an aloof grin on his face. You take the cup in your hands and down it as fast as you can, to take away the pain, because she's not there with you, to make sure you drink it slowly and carefully and don't get hurt._

_You want her in your arms but all you've got is this stupid drink that's not taking these feelings away. The feelings for that person._

_The person is trying to talk to you now._

Santana was quiet. "Okay..."

"I can't really remember it though."

"But you have it all figured out."

"No, the... t-the sex." Rachel stammered out nervously.

"Oh. Well, we can have some that you will remember..." Santana said, a sly smirk on her face.

"Okay." Rachel smiled. Then she pulled Santana in for a kiss.

"But first, you buy me some new shoes."

**Review please :)**


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